Straight Talk: Protecting Our Kids from Sexual Abuse

In light of the horrific abuse our U.S. olympian girls endured - and the culmination of that suffering playing out on national television - as well as the rise of the #MeToo movement, I felt it was of the utmost importance to tackle the topic of child sexual abuse and how we can best protect our kids.

According to 2015 statistics, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Remember, these statistics are based on reported incidents, thus, the rate of occurrence may actually be higher. We often teach our children how to deal with strangers (stranger danger). We give them permission to scream, run, kick, report, etc. when they feel threatened by a stranger. But what happens when the threat is coming from someone our children know, love, and trust? That's a whole lot more confusing.

If a child is molested, there is a 90-95% chance it was done by someone the child knows. We teach our children to trust and respect their doctors, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, babysitters, relatives and even our closest family friends. We tell our children they are safe with the people we leave them with and that those are the people we love and respect. It's time to also teach our children when it is ok to run, kick, scream and report when they feel threatened by someone they know. How do we begin and what do we say?

Straight Talk is a workshop I designed to teach children about "wrong touching" and how to talk to their parents or someone they trust if they should encounter or experience sexual abuse - or even something that makes them uncomfortable that they can't necessarily name. Straight Talk teaches parents and teachers how to respond and listen to children about this topic. Here are some simple tips you can use to start talking to your children about sexual abuse. Remember, it is never too soon or too late.

1. No matter what age your child is, teach them what their "private parts" are.

2. Always use anatomically correct names for private parts. Pedophiles often use silly names for private parts. If you teach your child the correct name and they start using silly names it will give you reason to question from whom they heard the silly names.

3. Help your child understand that nobody (another child or adult) should touch their private parts or ask them to touch another person's private parts.

4. Give your child permission to say "NO" to anyone (even an adult) who asks to touch them or to be touched ANYWHERE on their body that makes them feel uncomfortable, especially if it is their private parts.

5. Let your child know you love and trust them. Let them know that sometimes saying "NO" is difficult but important and that it is NEVER their fault or responsibility when they are sexually abused!

Here are some warning signs to be aware of that may indicate sexual abuse. Remember, changes in behavior can always be due to a number of things (divorce, stress, death in family, problems at school) however, if your child is demonstrating several of these signs, for any reason, you may want to seek professional help.

1. Acting out in inappropriate sexual ways with toys or other objects

2. Sleep problems/sudden nightmares

3. Withdrawn

4. Regressive behaviors such as tantrums or bedwetting (after being completely free of bedwetting)

5. Change in attitude toward a particular person

6. Change in eating habits

7. Self -harm

8. New words for body parts

If you are interested in learning more about Straight Talk, or bringing the workshop to your school or other private group, please contact me at 954-614-7731.