Invasion of the Teenage Body Snatchers
- Dr. Jami Landen
- Aug 28, 2018
- 2 min read
OMG.....who is this imposter? Wait, it's just my daughter, who is now 13. Yes, this imposter is a teenager. Not just any teen, but my teen. I am not sure why I thought I would be immune to the "teenage body snatchers." I naively thought that my kind, thoughtful, patient, and appreciative daughter could never..., and would never.... but like most teens, at times she is possessed by hormones, the need for autonomy, emotions, frustration, insecurity, etc. This imposter questions every adult decision, argues about EVERYTHING, demands greater independence with less responsibilities, and backs up her arguments with " everyone else's parents let them do....(fill in the blank)." We have also been hit with the "why can't we have, or do" statements and questions. Apparently, I am also the ONLY parent who gets mad at their child when they are disrespectful and/or talks back. Yet, even when the teenage monster emerges, I still feel lucky and recognize my daughter's hard work and commitment to school, admire her dedication to sports, and appreciate when she trusts me enough to share difficult issues. I need to recognize this is not only a difficult time for me, but my for my teen.
According to developmental psychologist, Erikson, during this stage of development (ages12-18) as adolescents transition from childhood to adulthood, they are searching for a "sense of self and personal identity, through an intense exploration of personal values, beliefs, and goals." During this time they are learning to adapt to their changing bodies, trying to figure out their appropriate sex role, and find their own identity and role in society. The only way they can accomplish forming a healthy identity is through their explorations and the evaluations of those outcomes. Failure to form their own identity will cause role confusion (insecurity about oneself). Moreover, pressuring someone into an identity can result in rebellion, unhappiness and/or the a negative sense of self.
Our teens need us to listen more, show more patience and acceptance and allow them to explore with looser boundaries. However, if you have a teen whose explorations involve self-harm (including drug and alcohol use), unhealthy and age inappropriate sexual activity, a drastic change in weight, and/or personal isolation, please seek professional help.
Here are some helpful articles you may want to check out:
What's happening in your house with your teens? Have you met the teenage body snatcher yet?
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